Comments for Dear Karen http://karenbishko.com/blog I write emotional songs based on my own personal experiences and stories I hear from friends. My friends and some of you out there have asked for my advice on love, relationships and being single. "Dear Karen" is where I share your concerns and my advice. Tue, 08 Jun 2010 12:09:14 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 Comment on He lives with his girlfriend but says he loves me. by Fleur http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/comment-page-1/#comment-4023 Fleur Tue, 08 Jun 2010 12:09:14 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/#comment-4023 A lot of these guys are just looking for somewhere to live so they don't need to take responsibility for themselves. Has happened to me before, and then you simply can't get rid of them. They can even turn violent/abusive to keep control of things, in a worst-case scenario. They just leap from one live-in girlfriend to another. Don't move in with anyone on those terms. Let them sort their lives out first. And wait an appropriate length of time -- ie a year or two -- before deciding whether to move in with ANYONE. A lot of these guys are just looking for somewhere to live so they don’t need to take responsibility for themselves. Has happened to me before, and then you simply can’t get rid of them. They can even turn violent/abusive to keep control of things, in a worst-case scenario.

They just leap from one live-in girlfriend to another. Don’t move in with anyone on those terms. Let them sort their lives out first. And wait an appropriate length of time — ie a year or two — before deciding whether to move in with ANYONE.

]]> Comment on He already has a girlfriend by Burl Linger http://karenbishko.com/blog/2007/10/29/he-already-has-a-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3790 Burl Linger Thu, 13 May 2010 01:42:11 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2007/10/29/he-already-has-a-girlfriend/#comment-3790 Thanks for this nice relationship entry. It will just help mine out. Thanks again! Thanks for this nice relationship entry. It will just help mine out. Thanks again!

]]> Comment on He lives with his girlfriend but says he loves me. by Falling http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/comment-page-1/#comment-3697 Falling Fri, 30 Apr 2010 21:47:04 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/#comment-3697 I am in a similar situation to this, as well, accept for I have only been in a relationship with this man for a month. We worked together until he was laid off just before we started the relationship, so I don't see him daily anumore. He lives with his ex girlfriend (so he calls her) and is currently trying to get his life and money in order to make his move out of there. He says he sleeps in his own room and she is officially an ex, just giving him time to move out. In the short time we've been together, he's made an effort to see me every chance he gets, stays with me about 2 nights a week (he lives an hour away), and has also told me he loves me. I am in love with him too, but I have not yet told him I love him because I am afraid that this relationship is in a downward spiral. Supposedly, next week is when he is going to be moving out. He says she knows about us but I have no proof of this, but on the other hand, have no proof he isn't telling the truth. It seems that everything he says, I make excuses for why it's true, yet I really don't know what is. I am so crazy about this guy that when I am with him, nothing else matters, yet when he leaves, I feel an empty loss and tons of hurt in the pit of my stomach. If 2 days go by without us speaking, I then get even more hurt and just when I send him that last text telling myself, I give up if I hear nothing and it wasn't worth all the pain, there he is again, texting me back and telling me he misses me, making every effort possible to see me that same night. I have expressed my thoughts to him about how this bothers me and that I can't go on forever with him in this situation. I am trying to be patient and not give ultimatums, especially this early in the relationship, in fear that I will drive him to stay with the ex. I can't fathom losing him. I am giving him another month and if he really wants to be with me, he will do what it takes to get out of that situation. If not, then it wasn't meant to be and he'll continue to stay there out of convenience. Actions speak louder than words and I feel I have to give him a fair chance to prove his actions. Another month may tear me apart though, in fear that the situation will not be in my favor. Best wishes to everyone out there in this situation and may you have the strength to survive and/or get out of it. I am in a similar situation to this, as well, accept for I have only been in a relationship with this man for a month. We worked together until he was laid off just before we started the relationship, so I don’t see him daily anumore. He lives with his ex girlfriend (so he calls her) and is currently trying to get his life and money in order to make his move out of there. He says he sleeps in his own room and she is officially an ex, just giving him time to move out. In the short time we’ve been together, he’s made an effort to see me every chance he gets, stays with me about 2 nights a week (he lives an hour away), and has also told me he loves me. I am in love with him too, but I have not yet told him I love him because I am afraid that this relationship is in a downward spiral. Supposedly, next week is when he is going to be moving out. He says she knows about us but I have no proof of this, but on the other hand, have no proof he isn’t telling the truth. It seems that everything he says, I make excuses for why it’s true, yet I really don’t know what is. I am so crazy about this guy that when I am with him, nothing else matters, yet when he leaves, I feel an empty loss and tons of hurt in the pit of my stomach. If 2 days go by without us speaking, I then get even more hurt and just when I send him that last text telling myself, I give up if I hear nothing and it wasn’t worth all the pain, there he is again, texting me back and telling me he misses me, making every effort possible to see me that same night.
I have expressed my thoughts to him about how this bothers me and that I can’t go on forever with him in this situation. I am trying to be patient and not give ultimatums, especially this early in the relationship, in fear that I will drive him to stay with the ex. I can’t fathom losing him. I am giving him another month and if he really wants to be with me, he will do what it takes to get out of that situation. If not, then it wasn’t meant to be and he’ll continue to stay there out of convenience. Actions speak louder than words and I feel I have to give him a fair chance to prove his actions. Another month may tear me apart though, in fear that the situation will not be in my favor. Best wishes to everyone out there in this situation and may you have the strength to survive and/or get out of it.

]]> Comment on He lives with his girlfriend but says he loves me. by Ditto http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/comment-page-1/#comment-2257 Ditto Sat, 05 Sep 2009 00:59:37 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/#comment-2257 I have been experiencing this type of situation myself. I work with a guy I too am CRAZY about. He lives with his girlfriend and will not leave her. I see him almost every day and I refuse to have a relationship of any kind with him because I don't want to be tortured by being a mistress or a back door girl. He has often commented that he doesn't love her anymore, doesn't want to have sex anymore with her, that she doesn't appreciate him, that he is leaving her, and that he misses me when we are not together. He also has said that he would like to see me but keep it a secret until he gets his ducks in a row. He also threw the line that he could move in with me because he doesn't do good single. THis has been an emotional roller ride for me let me tell you and I can't get away from him because he is at my work. I have had to do everything in my power to keep my distance and control myself. These guys are players and experts in getting women hooked on their lies and manipulation. Its a game and they are Narcisists. YOu are their supply to fulfill their enormous EGOS. They don't really care about you as a person, you are only an object and an extension of themselves. They thrive on gaining the adoration of as many women as possible but give little if anything in return. Don't get hooked. WATCH HIS ACTIONS and IGNORE THE WORDS! The words and the sweet charming ways are HOG WASH. If his ACTIONS are not showing you that he adores you, walk away and don't look back. Players are experts in knowing what to tell women. Don't put yourself through the torture because life is too short and you deserve someone to adore you. Its just not worth the hell. I have been experiencing this type of situation myself. I work with a guy I too am CRAZY about. He lives with his girlfriend and will not leave her. I see him almost every day and I refuse to have a relationship of any kind with him because I don’t want to be tortured by being a mistress or a back door girl. He has often commented that he doesn’t love her anymore, doesn’t want to have sex anymore with her, that she doesn’t appreciate him, that he is leaving her, and that he misses me when we are not together. He also has said that he would like to see me but keep it a secret until he gets his ducks in a row. He also threw the line that he could move in with me because he doesn’t do good single.

THis has been an emotional roller ride for me let me tell you and I can’t get away from him because he is at my work. I have had to do everything in my power to keep my distance and control myself. These guys are players and experts in getting women hooked on their lies and manipulation. Its a game and they are Narcisists. YOu are their supply to fulfill their enormous EGOS. They don’t really care about you as a person, you are only an object and an extension of themselves. They thrive on gaining the adoration of as many women as possible but give little if anything in return.

Don’t get hooked. WATCH HIS ACTIONS and IGNORE THE WORDS! The words and the sweet charming ways are HOG WASH. If his ACTIONS are not showing you that he adores you, walk away and don’t look back. Players are experts in knowing what to tell women. Don’t put yourself through the torture because life is too short and you deserve someone to adore you. Its just not worth the hell.

]]> Comment on He lives with his girlfriend but says he loves me. by Love Lost http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/comment-page-1/#comment-2112 Love Lost Mon, 24 Aug 2009 04:18:22 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/#comment-2112 It amazes me that we women accept less from a man/relationship than we would from a friend. I should know. I accepted less for a very long time...21 years to be exact. I am done being treated badly by a man and making excuses in the name of Love. If someone Loves you, they don't lie to you, they don't give you their left-over time, they don't treat you like a dirty secret & they don't continue to hurt you by not making you a priority. If someone Loves you and you tell them that that are hurting you; they apologize and make changes so that they do not hurt you anymore. We treat people how to treat us. After 21 years of accepting being treated badly, I have finally realized that I deserve to be Loved. I would rather be alone and be happy by Loving myself than in a relationship with someone who hurts me and calls it Love. It amazes me that we women accept less from a man/relationship than we would from a friend. I should know. I accepted less for a very long time…21 years to be exact. I am done being treated badly by a man and making excuses in the name of Love. If someone Loves you, they don’t lie to you, they don’t give you their left-over time, they don’t treat you like a dirty secret & they don’t continue to hurt you by not making you a priority. If someone Loves you and you tell them that that are hurting you; they apologize and make changes so that they do not hurt you anymore. We treat people how to treat us. After 21 years of accepting being treated badly, I have finally realized that I deserve to be Loved. I would rather be alone and be happy by Loving myself than in a relationship with someone who hurts me and calls it Love.

]]> Comment on He wants to sleep with other women. by Melanie http://karenbishko.com/blog/2009/02/25/he-wants-to-sleep-with-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-1517 Melanie Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:19:05 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2009/02/25/he-wants-to-sleep-with-other-women/#comment-1517 OMg do I know this feeling , only we have been together 4 years and we are engaged and have a 3 year old son together. He told me about it early on in the relationship. I adored him so much that I thought I could deal. He spoils me rotten, he is great to our son, we had a great sex life, I thought I could deal with this. Even tried to help him make it work. I thought if I was part of it I could deal better, not!! It happened one time and I have been honest with him as he has with me and so I've just told him my feeling about it has changed I cant deal. He said he want act on his feeling but it is hard, so for awhile he was calling this chat line and just talking to woman, and he was only doing when I wasnt available to talk but I didnt like it , either because I felt left out and so many other emotions. After nany arguments he isnt doing it , he isnt calling the chat line, he isnt surfing porn, he only chats , but tells me everything that is said or Im there, but even that annoys me because we have very little time together, and its taken up with that. Since Ibhave said my feeling about other woman however our once terrific sex life is like no exsitant and a couple who never argued seems to very rarely have anything to say to each other. Or we arguing what am I going to do. I cant make it with out him , I dont want to be with out him, but... OMg do I know this feeling , only we have been together 4 years and we are engaged and have a 3 year old son together. He told me about it early on in the relationship. I adored him so much that I thought I could deal. He spoils me rotten, he is great to our son, we had a great sex life, I thought I could deal with this. Even tried to help him make it work. I thought if I was part of it I could deal better, not!! It happened one time and I have been honest with him as he has with me and so I’ve just told him my feeling about it has changed I cant deal. He said he want act on his feeling but it is hard, so for awhile he was calling this chat line and just talking to woman, and he was only doing when I wasnt available to talk but I didnt like it , either because I felt left out and so many other emotions. After nany arguments he isnt doing it , he isnt calling the chat line, he isnt surfing porn, he only chats , but tells me everything that is said or Im there, but even that annoys me because we have very little time together, and its taken up with that. Since Ibhave said my feeling about other woman however our once terrific sex life is like no exsitant and a couple who never argued seems to very rarely have anything to say to each other. Or we arguing what am I going to do. I cant make it with out him , I dont want to be with out him, but…

]]> Comment on I want to be a singer! by Julio Burton http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/04/22/i-want-to-be-a-singer/comment-page-1/#comment-1461 Julio Burton Thu, 02 Apr 2009 06:44:42 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/04/22/i-want-to-be-a-singer/#comment-1461 I deff bought the pack with two CD’s XD!!!

]]> Comment on He lives with his girlfriend but says he loves me. by Lady dandy http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/comment-page-1/#comment-1417 Lady dandy Sun, 15 Mar 2009 18:10:05 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/09/07/he-lives-with-his-girlfriend-but-says-he-loves-me/#comment-1417 I am the same situation... I have been seen a guy on and off for about 7 months. He lives with his girlfriend. He tells me that he doesn't love her and wouldn't marry her or have kids with her. He says he loves me. But he won't leave her. He says that he would only leave her if I lived with him. I am not prepared to just move in with him on these terms. I feel like it's emotional blackmail. I am foolishly crazy about this guy. I love every inch of him. We have such chemistry. However I hate him, he has turned my life upside down. I'm often left feeling rejected and hurt. This is good as I realise that there's nothing in it anymore. HOWEVER i can't stop seeing him. I know this is all extremley wrong but I can't stop it. Trust me I have tried everything... Really need some support from people who understand. My family and friends quite rightly think i'm mad but I've got in so deep i'm not sure how to surface. I really want to sya goodbye but i end up speaking to him on msn or text msg. I know that he doesn't really love me as he would have left her for me and wouldn't expect me to live with him that soon. Anyone who could offer some support/has been in a similar situation would be greatly welcomed! I am the same situation… I have been seen a guy on and off for about 7 months. He lives with his girlfriend. He tells me that he doesn’t love her and wouldn’t marry her or have kids with her. He says he loves me. But he won’t leave her. He says that he would only leave her if I lived with him. I am not prepared to just move in with him on these terms. I feel like it’s emotional blackmail.

I am foolishly crazy about this guy. I love every inch of him. We have such chemistry. However I hate him, he has turned my life upside down. I’m often left feeling rejected and hurt. This is good as I realise that there’s nothing in it anymore. HOWEVER i can’t stop seeing him. I know this is all extremley wrong but I can’t stop it. Trust me I have tried everything…

Really need some support from people who understand. My family and friends quite rightly think i’m mad but I’ve got in so deep i’m not sure how to surface. I really want to sya goodbye but i end up speaking to him on msn or text msg. I know that he doesn’t really love me as he would have left her for me and wouldn’t expect me to live with him that soon.

Anyone who could offer some support/has been in a similar situation would be greatly welcomed!

]]> Comment on Do we have a connection? by Plaimelat http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/10/30/do-we-have-a-connection/comment-page-1/#comment-1408 Plaimelat Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:48:04 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2008/10/30/do-we-have-a-connection/#comment-1408 Thank you! Thank you!

]]> Comment on My boyfriend pretended he was single. He was married! by Ansha http://karenbishko.com/blog/2007/10/25/married/comment-page-1/#comment-1383 Ansha Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:57:33 +0000 http://karenbishko.com/blog/2007/10/25/married/#comment-1383 Ug. i know that feeling. i had the same thing. not only was he married, but had a kid! everytime i asked probing questions he'd reply "my life is complicated." i should have known but i fell so hard for him! then i found out from one of his friends that he was married: apparently everyone knew but me, and they deliberately didnt tell me. I went cold all over. I'll never forget that day. old wounds! luckily, it inspired several short stories that will likely be published and make me very rich. Ug. i know that feeling. i had the same thing. not only was he married, but had a kid! everytime i asked probing questions he’d reply “my life is complicated.” i should have known but i fell so hard for him! then i found out from one of his friends that he was married: apparently everyone knew but me, and they deliberately didnt tell me. I went cold all over. I’ll never forget that day. old wounds!

luckily, it inspired several short stories that will likely be published and make me very rich.

]]>