Dear Karen

I have a guy that when we were younger we dated, after 9 years of not seeing each other we hook back up, but he has a girlfriend. I like him, he says he loves me, we both are in a relationship. However, I believe he is my soul mate and we’ve known each other since I was 6, almost 23 years. I do not want to leave my relationship that I am in and then he hurts me, I am confused, help. Marie

Ohh, Marie. If you really love him and believe that he’s your soulmate then maybe you have to trust that he won’t hurt you. You need to be very clear to each other about what you both want and what will happen with the partners that you have now. Has he said he will leave his girlfriend? Don’t be confused by old feelings. It’s beautiful that you’ve known each other all those years but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are soulmates although that would be very romantic. Talk to him and decide together what you want. If you really think he’s your soulmate then your current partner probably isn’t the right one for you. Also, be careful of your partners feelings.

Dear Karen,

Near the end of summer I met this guy Luke at a party. One thing you should know right now is that he’s 22 and I’m only 16. (I’ve always had a thing for older guys though). Anyway, from the first day I met him I always thought he was really cute and seemed pretty cool. And the more I’m starting to get to know him, the more I’m starting to like him. Basically, I don’t fall for guys very easily… like ever, but when I do, I fall HARD.

I just can’t tell if he likes me. During week days he always texts me wanting to hang out with me. He lives like 30 min. away but sometimes he’ll want to drive up and just see me for a few minutes, if I’m busy. Though I never really hang out with him on week days, I just party with him on weekend.. Because I am just super busy during the week.

So even though we don’t see each other much, I like him and I’m trying to figure out how he feels about me. One time at this party, he told my friend he thought she was cute and said not to tell me. But i mean… we’ve made-out before. And at parties we are usually together most of the time. He just always says he wants to hang out with me in texts and calls me cutie and stuff. But I just really don’t know if he likes me…

Like, I don’t know if he just wants to get in my pants… I just want to get to know him better. Do you think there could be a connection between us? What should I do? HELP!

Sasha

Aghhh. Sasha, I don’t know any more than you do but please DON’T LET HIM GET IN YOUR PANTS. He may like you and if he likes you enough he’ll stick around without the nookie.
It’s great that he wants to hang out all the time and make the journey but not so great that he told your friend he likes her. I know to you 22 seems old but it’s still pretty young for a guy. He might just want to mess around and meet all your young friends. I think this would be driving me a bit mad if I were you. Such mixed signals. This is probably what I’d do, I’d talk about it with him. Ask what he thinks your relationship is about.
I don’t know, you may think it’s crazy but at least you’ll know!

Please let me know what happens,

Love Karen

Dear Karen,
A close friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years. They had been going through a tough phase since he went back to college to get his PhD last year and she finally decided to break up with him this August. All of us (her friends) have been trying to be very supportive, spending more time with her or taking her out more in order to help her forget for a while about the whole thing.
We planned to go on a minibreak this weekend (ladies only) and relax BUT she decided to call him on Friday and invited him to come. He obviously said no and we (the girls) ended a bit baffled and annoyed at the possibility of him joining us… I don’t know if by being single and happy at the moment, I’m not the best person to understand what she’s going through… I’d lie if I didn’t tell you that I’m starting to feel a bit tired of being a supportive friend, listen to her daily complaints about him and see that she goes and does exactly the opposite thing in order to keep him in her life.
She’s 38 and kinda worried of growing old and alone. I’m 32 and not particularly worried at the moment of growing old. Is there a crisis as one approaches to the big 4-0’s that I don’t know of? I truly want to help her but I’m starting to run out of things to say or do. Let me know what u think.
Karen from Mexico

Okay, I think as someone happy and single, it’s VERY difficult to imagine what it’s like for her. Not only is she panicking about being alone at 38 but also, she obviously loves him. It’s hard to remember how strong feelings can be when you’re not in them. I suppose she feels she has invested important years in this relationship and she doesn’t want to start again.
I know that you’re trying to help her but I think in every conversation you have really think hard about what she needs not just what she wants to hear but what is best for her. Also bear in mind it might be the right thing if they got back together. I have countless friends who have split up after years and then get back and end up (happily) together. Relationships are complicated and no one knows what will happen, so also be careful what you say.
I understand that it is frustrating for you and you can’t give her unlimited time and I know it’s hard when you advise and she does the opposite but she’s in pain and not thinking straight.
Friendships often fall apart in these times. Be there for her when you have the time and just try and love her as much as you can without getting too frustrated.
And yes, there is a crisis as one approaches 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You sound like a good friend just hang in there for her.
Love Karen

Dear Karen

A few weeks ago I met a really nice girl at a friends birthday party. I quite liked her, and thought it would be nice to meet up with her again. After the party, when we were all standing outside, she made a real fuss about having to walk a mere 100 yards to a bar around the corner. I found this really off putting and didn’t pursue her any further.

Do you think this was a mistake, or do you think that difficult girls should be avoided at the first fence?

Please let me know,

Marcel Du Point

Ps. I am French

I think that watching signs like this are very important. She may just be very high maintenance and if that’s not what you’re into, which it sounds like you’re not then take note. HOWEVER, women wear high heels! Sometimes I go out in heels that I can’t walk far in, if I know I’m going in and out in a car or cab. Maybe that was the problem. If you liked her then I think you should give her one more chance.

Karen

PS. Was it me?!!!!

Dear Karen,

i ve met a guy a few weeks ago…We had a date(last Sunday as before he was on holiday) We texted and spoke on the phone.. all seemed well, he is shy but seemed keen.. On Tuesday he was away on business, and texted to give me his new mobile number.. he didn’t refer to our date on Sunday but i didn’t think to much of it.
I texted back saying what a shit day it had been so far and that i wasn’t looking forward to tonight as i had an appointment at work, but that his text had cheered me up a little.
So he just replied that he was well, a little tired ( as Sunday night was very late) and wished me a good evening.
I got back from work at 11.30 pm and texted him quickly to ask how his evening was (he went with colleagues to a football match-Champions league..) I said that it didn’t go well (work) and that it just wasnt my day that day. Wished him a good night and sweet dreams.
His reply was very unpersonal.. he told me that the game was okay, they just got back to the hotel, had more traffic than expected, he is very tired.. and good night.
Tomorrow is my Birthday and hes invited and told me he would come.. what do i make of all this?? Is he just shy? Why was the text he sent so unpersonal.. what have i done wrong? We have so much in common and he seemed keen.. what am i doing wrong and what should i do????

Please help..i was so looking forward to my Birthday Party and now im in a real bad mood and dont know what to do….Im 27 by the way and had the gut feeling that this guy is the one as i had never felt this way before….

I really hope i will hear from you.

Thank you,
Jasmin

Hey There,
My gut feeling is, you’re coming on too strong. Let him do the work. of course answer his texts and be nice but even if you feel he’s the one, if he is, HE’LL make it happen. You don’t have to. Which man ever ran away from a girl playing a bit hard to get? I’m sure he can tell you like him, so don’t flag it up anymore. Also, in my opinion and you don’t have to take my advice of course, I wouldn’t moan about your day yet. Be an independent happy woman. You don’t have to tell him you’ve had a shit day. I know this may sound like I’m telling you to be dishonest and I don’t think repressing feelings is a good thing, but you don’t want to sound like a burden. Let him fall in love with you first and then moan!!

If he comes to your party, that would be great, but don’t act like he is your boyfriend. You’ve had one date. Men run a mile if women are too keen. Be nice but cool. If he doesn’t come, I wouldn’t contact him. If he wants to see you again, he’ll be in touch. Let him wonder how keen YOU are.

Remember something, if it’s meant to be then it will be. So turn it round now, let him come after you. Be nice but not as keen.

I hope very much that he comes to your party and that you have a WONDERFUL birthday. Please don’t let it ruin it if he doesn’t come.

LET ME KNOW WHAT HAPPENS,

Love Karen