Dear Karen

Dear Karen,

Can I just firstly say I went to see take that on Saturday and thought you were magic, your songs really spoke to me. I looked up your website and thinks it’s beautiful, found the your advice page and really hope you can help.

Recently my boyfriend of two years has been making strange demands in the bedroom. Up to a point it was OK. I don’t want to get to graphic but it was basically me being the man. I felt uncomfortable with this and saw
him in a very different way. Now I’ve realised how many gay friends he has, who are all lovely, but it’s worrying me. What do I do? Is he gay?
Lori

Dear Lori

I’m so pleased you liked the show and that you related to my songs.

Okay, I don’t know the answer to this because no one can know for sure but yes, I too would be worried. Your boyfriend may well be gay but it also may just be a fetish. I am not a fetish expert. I know this may sound obvious but have you actually asked him. Being understanding and open may be the best way to find out the truth although it may be a long shot.

Aside from the question of him being gay, I think it’s really important to only do things in the bedroom that you are comfortable with. If you think his demands are extreme and you don’t want to do it then don’t and explain why.

Perhaps you could call the national Lesbian and Gay switchboard and ask advice 0207 837 7324
Or the lesbian and gay helpline 01908 241 528

No one can give you a hard and fast answer but don’t ignore your gut. We have instincts for a reason and sometimes they are to be trusted. It will all work out in the bigger picture even if you have to ride a storm for now.

Love Karen

My last relationship was nearly 2 years ago and has left me in a state of
he-tox. I fell in love for the first time in my life, hook line and sinker.
But after a few months he ended things sighting our age difference as the
reason (I am older). Now i feel that I can’t open up emotionally to another
man and tend to shy away from relationships altogether. A few months ago I
would have said I was still in love with my ex, but now I think I have given
up on the whole idea of falling in love again. I don’t want to spend the
rest of my life alone but don’t think I can commit. Help!

Nicole

Hi Nicole. Honestly, I could have written that. I so empathise with you. It’s so hard when you have loved and trusted, but that’s exactly what you should do. It always amazes me how quickly people jump into new relationships when they have supposedly been in love. It’s taken me years to recover from the pilot BUT this is what I believe. Your psyche is wiser than you think and will let you fall in love again when you are ready. I had also given up on the idea of falling in love but for some reason now I believe it will happen again. Maybe it’s just because I’m ready.
Don’t regret loving properly. It’s wonderful and one day someone will be worth your love. When you are ready to commit you will. Relax, let yourself recover and don’t stop believing in love. It makes the world go round.
Love Karen

Dear Karen. You helped me find an answer

A while ago I wrote to you still suffering from the breakup of a
relationship. I had shied away from meeting someone else and giving love
another try and you gave me an excelent piece of advice - relax, listen to
my psyche and wait. Although slightly skeptical I gave it a whirl. Now I am
so content and happy I could burst. I don’t feel rushed and I dont even know
if this wonderful man is the real thing for want of a better term but I am
the happiest I have been for a long time (even happier than I “thought” I
was with my ex). I think, in part, your advice helped me take some of the
pressure I had put on myself, off. For all of you that think there isn’t
light at the end of whatever murky tunnel you are going through, take time
out. I can speak from personal experience - it works.

Thanks Karen

Nicole