Dear Karen

Ive just started seeing this guy who has been a good friend of mine for about 8 years now. The problem is that he has an American girlfriend who travels for months at a time and he says she has no intention of living in the UK. We get on really well and he keeps making comments about me being his girlfriend one day, but won’t break up with her. Whenever I try to approach the conversation he changes the subject.. What should i do?
Sarah - Cardiff

I’m not going to beat around the bush here Sarah. I think there’s a lot to be said for having a relationship with a friend because a relationship has to be a friendship, and you should know after years whether you can trust someone, BUT in this situation I’m not sure.
He already has a girlfriend so is he trustworthy? Even if he was all yours, could you trust him?
The situation about his girlfriend isn’t so much to do with her travelling but how he feels about her. Does he love her? Why won’t he finish it? If he loves her then you are setting yourself up for some serious heartache while he has his cake and eats it. I’m concerned that the longer you see him for, the more you will become emotionally embroiled and it may well come to nothing. Always express your needs. You are just as important as him. If he won’t talk about it it’s because he can’t give you the answer you want to hear. I’d steer clear until he makes up his mind. I’m sorry and I hope you don’t get hurt,

Karen

One of my good friends is almost always late to meet me places. Sometimes I am waiting for 40 minutes or more. She usually gives me long reasons why she’s late. I’m tired of them and they feel like poor excuses. I’ve talked to her calmly on several occasions about her timekeeping but it’s made no difference. I’m fed up with it now and how it makes me feel. Is there anything I can do? I don’t want to end our friendship over it.
Tina, London

This is a really tricky one Tina. We all have our own views on punctuality and it sounds like lateness is difficult for you. You are also talking to one of the most punctual people ever made (second to my Mum) so for me I have found I tend to have punctual friends as I get so wound up when someone is late for me that i can’t enjoy the company by the time they arrive anyway.
I find lateness disrespectful to the other persons to time. We all have busy lives and things to be getting on with but as you say you don’t want to give up on the friendship. So I would suggest these things.
If possible meet at your house so if she is late you can be getting on with things.
If you meet in public, always have a book or something so that you are not wasting your time.
Accept it. If you choose to have a late friend then be prepared for it. You always have the choice.
Good luck (rather you than me!)
Karen

Dear Karen. My boyfriend recently left me for another girl. She is so pretty and slim and I feel awful about myself. She is much prettier than me. I miss him and don’t feel I will ever get over it. I thought the relationship was great. We had been together for over a year. We are both 20.

Charlie, London

Dear Charlie. This must be very painful for you. A year is a long tome to spend with someone. The thing is, you are both very young and sometimes it’s more difficult for men to want to settle down so young. Their natural instinct is to experiment (and sew their seed) It’s in their genetic make up. I know this is really hard for you to accept now but it would have been very young to commit to someone for life.

Please don’t worry about what she looks like. Life is about so much more than what’s on the outside. We are all unique and special in out own way and the best thing to do is live to your potential and develop yourself. That’s when things will happen for you.

I do believe that things happen for a reason. You may meet someone soon who you think is even more wonderful or find a path to something that YOU need. Life is full of phases and as one door closes another one opens. Good luck.

Karen

Dear Karen. I’ve just found out my new boyfriend is married. He pretended he was single. I can’t believe it. How can I trust again?

Jane, Birmingham

Dear Jane. I’m so sorry. This has happened to me too recently. It’s very difficult. People do all sorts of things for their own reasons. The lesson to learn is not to trust too quickly and to ASK QUESTIONS. Trust your instinct. People can take years to reveal themselves and trust has to be earned. Don’t just give it regardless. Another thing is that going over the threshold to someone’s home is important. Don’t necessarily allow them into your home many times without going to theirs. If you haven’t been asked to their home, question why.

Please don’t beat yourself up about this. We can’t all go round not trusting anyone. Seeing the good in people is a lovely quality. Try to maintain this but be a little more questioning too. You will trust again.

Karen